(Preface: I’m not completely new to meditation, I just don’t have a regular practice)
So I’m one day into this 4 day meditation thing. I’ve “successfully” meditated for a total of 30 minutes now. I set an alarm for 15 minutes last night and again this morning, sat upright and crossed legged on my bed against the headboard with my hands in my lap.
It was kind of funny for the first few minutes, I kept narrating how I was going to write this blog post and then trying to be in the moment. But then I started to focus on my breathing and let my mind wander wherever it wanted to. I found this approach much easier than trying to silence my thoughts.
What’s absolutely crazy is how much I think on a daily basis, in just 15 minutes I felt like I had been going on mini thought journeys for years! Thoughts about what I should be doing right now, where I should be, how I should achieve stuff were all common.
After a little while, it was like I was being shown all of the ways that I’ve reacted poorly to people or treated them wrong. I guess this is why it feels so uncomfortable to start meditating, you’re kind of shown all of the bad shit that’s in your head and it’s pretty daunting facing it. Memories of conversations where I’ve manipulated someone into doing what I want, decisions that I’ve followed through with even though I knew deep down that they’re not right.
I eventually just came to terms with it, and thought; “That’s past Jrod, he doesn’t define my future actions”, and I felt some sense of relief.
To be continued,